Alright, so today in speech camp we had to present a short story to the class. Instantly the idea of a somewhat ghetto version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears clicked inside my head. It went a little something like this i believe. Alright y'all, once upon a time there was this here family of bears mhm. There was the papa, mama, and mistake. So one day papa bear (which was his street name) was all like DANG i wants myself some porridge homies. So then the mistake is like yeah boy i want some porridge too. So mama bear is all like simmer down dawgs, you gots a problem? I'll make yo darn porridge. So she made that porridge Compton style. When it was done papa bear was all like OH NO Y'ALL this business is way too hot. Let's walk dawgs. Thats what all the g people do. So they walked, at the same time Goldilocks was on the run from the popo for doing some bad stuff, and she DID NOT want to serve another nickel. So she found this empty house and was all like DANG i founds myself an empty house. Then she realized she was HUNGRY. So she saw that porridge and was all like DANG, its porridge. So she ate from the first bowl and was all like DANG this is too hot y'all. Then she ate from the 2nd bowl and was all like OOH BABY THIS COLD! Then she had that last bowl and she was all like MMM HALLELUJAH SWEET LORD JESUS, ITS PERFECT! So she ate that whole bowl and let me tell you she got SO FAT after eating that porridge that she straight up BROKE that chair she was sitting in. So after she was all like aight dudes, i is tired. All that runnin' from the police and the workifying of my mouth muscles oh dang i is tired. So she went upstairs and she found some beds and she was all like OH DANG, ITS BEDS! So she went on the first one and was like oh no, oh no you clearly does not understandify mahs problems. This is far too hard girlfriend. So she went on the 2nd bed and she sank right into that man that stuff was so soft it was off the hook homie. So she went on the last bed and once again she was all like DANG, HALLELUJAH THIS IS PERFECT! So yeah she fells asleep, it wasn't her house but hey she slept. So then papa bear and his family posse arrive and hes all like WHO ATED MY PORRIDGE!? Little bear, fetch me my beatstick, honey go call the popo. So he and little bear went upstairs beatstick in hand and saw Goldilocks. H e was all like ,HEY! Shes like what? Hes all like who are you? She's like mind yo manners homegirl, WHO ARE YOU? So hes all like you got two seconds to explain yourself before i give you the beatdown with my beatstick. She was all like what? Then he was all like cover your eyes little bear, AND HE GAVE HER THE BEATDOWN WITH HIS BEATSTICK!!! Then the popo came and they was all like where she at homie where she at? So papa bear is all like, beofre anything, we cool right? Cause i mighta done some stuff... shes unconscious upstairs, but i HAD to give her the beatdown out of self defense. SHE CAME AT ME! So we cool right...? They took Goldilocks to juvy and when she came out she wasn't the same pretty blonde girl anymore... juvy did stuff to her...

The moral of the story is quite simple... don't mess with papa bear, or he'll give you the beatdown.